Relationship and Psychology
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Relationships: say it how you want it
What we say always leaves a picture in the other person’s mind, yet we give that fact little thought, says relationship coach Anthony Rockliffe.

We make pictures in our head all the time; in fact, this is how we understand what we are being told. Someone says that they 'love you'; you take those words and process them in your unconscious mind.

Looking through all your memories and past experiences for the other associations of love, you then generalise that information and are left with your own personal definition of love. In fact, our definitions of love are not quite the same.
What we say always leaves a picture in the other person’s mind, yet we give that fact little thought

We understand what we are saying and think that is enough. It really isn’t. Is your communication with your significant other flawed in this way? You take no notice of the picture your words are leaving in the mind of the other person.
We say things the way we don’t want them to be

For example, it's like seeing a sign that says 'do not walk on the grass' and all you can think about is walking on the grass. If I say to you 'do not think of a pink elephant', what are you thinking about now?

You see, in order to not do something, or think about something, or say something, we first have to do, think, and say those things in our mind in order to be able to not do, think, or say them.

In a relationship it could sound like this, 'You always forget my birthday!' And in his unconscious mind he is thinking 'always forget my birthday', or you say, 'We are always fighting!'

It's little wonder that our relationships are filled with all the things we don't want, since that's all we talk about.

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