Anthony Rockliffe offers some essential advice to those embarking on a new relationship: I wish I'd read this years ago.....
If I told you that every relationship you have can be a success, would you believe me?
I think some people are so used to relationships failing that that is what they expect from every relationship. I believe that relationships are designed to move you forward in life and not backwards, but ignorance in this regard has cost you dearly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe that people didn't have it so wrong when the emphasis was on courtship.
These days it is all about having a good time
There is nothing wrong with that, except when it gets in the way of our own ultimate happiness. You see there is only one guarantee of a successful relationship and it comes down to being equally yoked.
When you are on the same page as the other person in terms of your value system then you just about guarantee the success of the relationship, but values are primarily unconscious and we are very rarely aware of them in our lives.
As I mentioned in a previous article, The myth of chemistry, when we are attracted to another person it is us responding to what we think is a value match.
This is where a relationship can go so wrong: I see so many clients who are torn apart after the end of a relationship.
A relationship, that, if they had kept their eyes open at the beginning, probably would never have happened. Instead it's a mad rush, a very physical, moving in together, getting in too deep, nuclear fallout when it ends, relationship. Simply going at light speed from day one.
Why the principle of courtship appeals to me is that in this context a relationship is a friendship with a view to deeper commitment, focused on really getting to know one another.
How long does it take to know another person's value system? As long as it takes
Sadly most people skip this step and go straight into the physical: they distract themselves with just having a good time and use the excuse that it's nothing serious, yet when it ends someone always get hurt. So much for nothing serious.
I say, ladies, that if you tell a guy that you just want to be friends for six months with nothing physical, and he isn't interested then he isn't a value match for you anyway and you're saving yourself from a definite heartache in the long run.