The big question to unpack this week is, “If my partner cheated on his girlfriend with me, does that mean he will cheat on me in the future with another woman?”
In answer to that I can say, it depends. Possibly. Maybe. And maybe not
The context and situation need to be taken into account. Let me elaborate. The adulterer in question might have been unhappy in his previous relationship but did not have the courage to leave until he met someone who made the unpleasantness of breaking up worthwhile. It does not necessarily mean he will do the same thing again.
It does mean she should probably be cautious and encourage conversations that allow for emotional honesty. Then, if he feels unhappy in his new relationship with her she can provide a safe space for him to share his unhappiness so he does not feel the need to flee so ungraciously next time.
It is not always easy (for men particularly) to talk about their feelings but if you are paying attention there will be many warning signs that suggest he is not fully present and committed to the relationship. Create an opportunity for an open, honest conversation and hold back on any shaming or blaming. It will not induce an honest response.
On the other side of the coin and to put a spanner to the works…
If we are dealing with someone who has low self worth/ self esteem and he fills the empty space he feels inside by seeking attention and affirmation from new lovers, then there is a strong possibility he will move on as soon as he finds another woman who he thinks will offer more adoration and attention.
The proactive word here is ‘thinks’ or ‘perceives’
It may not be the case, it is just his perception that has him swapping women like fresh underwear. Don’t make it about you. It has nothing to do with you and any shortfalls you might have. It has to do with the big empty void he feels inside that he is trying to fill.
Which of the two is he? Only our reader will be able to answer that by paying attention to his behaviour; by asking questions about his previous relationship. And trying to establish if this is a pattern of his. My advice to her is to be aware.
If much of this man’s confidence comes from the approval of others, she needs to tread carefully and cautiously before becoming emotionally vulnerable. If someone requires affirmation and attention all the time from the opposite sex, it is not a good sign.
Even if it appears ‘innocent’. If he is charming and flirting regularly; has loads of female friends and thrives on approval and adoration from others, it is a big red warning flag for ‘trouble ahead’.