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Relationship and Psychology
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When he won't introduce you to his family
The best gift for your partner this Christmas
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Relationships: Great Expectations
Why nobody wins at emotional games
Facebook etiquette: dos and dont's
The Tao of Relationships: role reversal
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Does love ever hurt?
The Tao of relationships: sanctuary
The rules of engagement
How to live with a controlling partner
Decoding body language
Be the hostess with the mostest
Comfortable or lazy?
All in an Ice cream Spoon
Do you have trust issues?
The Tao of Relationships: Facing the inevitable
Love Lines: can this marriage be saved?
Is the ultimate price for tolerating bad behaviour too high? Suzanne Styles offers advice to a reader who feels her marriage canít be saved.

ďI need some advice please. I have being married for 27 years but in December 2011 the bubble burst and everything that has built up through the years came out.
I asked my hubby for a divorce and he couldnít understand why

He never makes me feel good about myself; he doesnít do or say anything that would make me feel good about myself, he flirts with other ladies in front of me but I push it aside as I always say it is his personality. He has had affairs in our marriage but I let it ride as I had four small children.
I donít love him nor am I in love with him anymore

We sleep in separate rooms, and just when I think I will try again he does something to hurt me. I donít know what to do any more I say we can try again but his good behaviour only lasts about two weeks and then itís back to his old self.

Our sex life is nil, I really enjoy sex but he doesnít. I have thought of having an affair but I donít think that is the solution. Please can you help?Ē

Suzanne answers:

The fact that you have written to me, that you do think about trying again, and that you donít think an affair is the solution, implies that you still have feelings for your husband.
You are responsible for what you have allowed

Letting things slide for so many years has developed paradigms in your husbandís mind about how he is, and has been allowed to behave within your marriage, and whilst he is responsible for his behaviour, you are responsible for what you have allowed to continue over time.

You are at an impasse, living as strangers and sleeping in separate rooms and I believe that itís all or nothing from here, and that you have nothing to lose.
From today take charge of your marriage

Make a list of how you want your marriage to be, how you want him to make you feel, what you want to hear him to say, about you.

Men need directions: guessing isnít working for either of you as he has been getting it spectacularly wrong for a long time, hasnít he?

Your husband, like every man, needs to fix things. Simply stated, you have said he tries for a few weeks and then gives up.
Does he give up , or is it that he doesnít know what needs to be done to fix it long term?

Men donít do subtle hints; they do in your face, direct instructions best. Right down to sex and lovemaking, your husband doesnít enjoy sex with you right now.

Take some quiet time for you to be together, and in a non-confrontational way gently ask him about his desires, his wants and his needs, and tell him about yours too.

Over the years the barriers will have been built up between you, and guilt, hurt and anger put a real damper on anyoneís libido and it will take time to rekindle the physical side of your marriage.
You have both been living past each other for most of your marriage

Start living towards each other; if you start meeting his needs, and tell him what your needs are, heíll start meeting yours.

Find each other again - there must have been something there for you to have had four children with him, and as he is still with you, he must have deep feelings for you or he would have left too.

Life and marriage is all about boundaries and guidelines; they help formulate rightly or wrongly our habits and paradigms and this dictates our behaviour.

Yours and your husbandís behaviour do not define who you are; you can both change your behaviour to serve your marriage and restore the love that was there, and provide you with the fulfilment that physically and emotionally you both desire.

Print
Love in the time of texting
Is he into you?
10 benefits of marriage counselling
How to get through a break up
Relationships: say it how you want it
How to tell if someone is lying
He cheated: keep him or dump him?
Let him love you
Love lines: the emotional rollercoaster
Dating after divorce as a single mom
How to stop being taken advantage of
Love Lines: Still sleeping with ex!
Relationships: when to turn a blind eye
Living together: a dry run for marriage?
Love Lines: forbidden Love - the younger man
Pay attention to negative feelings
Stop domestic violence
How to survive long distance
Trusting again after being cheated on
Is three a crowd? Relationships and children
How to find a man who won't cheat
Love Lines: can this marriage be saved?
How to end an emotional affair
Make new friends in 30 minutes
Your relationship after illness
The 10 biggest turn-offs: are you guilty?
Legal implications of living together
Lovelines: emotionally distant husband
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Men really ARE from Mars - survey
Dealing with gossip
When your boyfriend's a mommy's boy...
Who gets the friends in a breakup?
Is he the one? Choosing Mr. Right
Losing touch in a technological world
How to make every day Valentineís Day
Relationships: repeating your mistakes?
Relationships: acknowledging your part
Dr. Demartini on Valentine's Day pressures
What is emotional abuse?
I love to be single
On hooking up with your ex
Flirtingís effect on your body
Should you marry him?
How to compile your family tree
Love Lines: relationship advice for readers
Can men and women be just friends?
The benefits of having male friends
How to become a better listener
Emotional affairs: another form of cheating?
Is it ever ok to be the other woman?
Losing your guy to SuperSport
Dating an older man
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