Can you become too comfortable in your relationship? The simple answer, not to mention the ONLY answer, is ‘you betcha!’ Think about it – too comfortable is the same as taking for granted.
Taking for granted is the same as lack of respect. Lack of respect is the same as lack of (or worse yet, broken) trust. And where does that leave you? With eroding self respect, growing feelings of guilt, and before you know it, the dreaded ‘D’ word – depression.
Is that being simplistic, or melodramatic? Well sure. And to be fair, a growing level of comfort – a comfort zone – is not only something to strive for, but is in fact a necessary component of any enduring relationship. Knowing your partner well enough to be able to function smoothly from day to day is a wonderful thing.
And finishing each other’s sentences – knowing you’re on the same wavelength as your partner – is more than fun and exciting, it goes a long way towards keeping your stress levels in check.
The trick is to understand the vast wasteland that exists between comfort and complacency
It is only human nature, as a relationship develops, to let your hair down a bit, and to let yourself go. The trouble comes when, all unaware, you not only begin to lose track, but even take pride, in seeing how far down you can go before he starts to push back. It’s the old ‘if you really loved me’ syndrome. “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t care about how I ….. (fill in the blank).” How did you end up this way?
In truth, aside from an erosion of your self- respect, there are some pretty good reasons not to get too comfortable:
Not letting your relationship go stale
What fun is boring?
Keeping your sex life hot, exciting, and fun
The joy of sharing
The pleasure of challenging each other always to be better
It is only natural that once you’re past the courtship stage, other priorities seem to rise and become more pressing – work, the kids, friends, meals, family, even pets for heaven’s sake. All are making legitimate demands on your time.
But wait – why is the courtship stage over?
And why is it just a stage? Whether you have been together for a week, a month, six months, a year, five years, 10, 20 or more – if you maintain at least some elements of courtship as time goes on, chances are good you will be madly, passionately, deeply in love, forever.
So the next time you feel tempted to spend Saturday night in your face mask and pyjamas watching CSI reruns, why not suggest a date night with your partner, get a little dressed up and try something new?