A controlling person is someone who systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator - often to the detriment of the person being manipulated.
A controlling person subverts an individual's sense of control over their own thinking, behaviour, emotions or decision-making. The controlling person will try to dominate, direct, suppress or change the behaviour of his partner.
Do you have a controlling partner? Here are several steps that will help you live and deal with a controlling partner.
1. Maintain a strong sense of self, and don't believe you have to respond to or acknowledge controlling behaviour. Be firm. Giving in may make the controlling person more demanding.
2. Pursue your own activities, and retain your relationships with others - particularly ones that build up your own self esteem. A controlling partner will want you to cut off your contact with your friends and family. You have the right to follow your own pursuits and choose your own friends.
3. Do not look for approval or possible negative reactions from the controlling party. Inform them of your intentions, and do it.
4. Controlling relationships can quickly become abusive. Do not remain in the relationship if you feel you may be subject to physical or mental abuse. If you're unable to escape, seek therapy and outside help immediately. However, you will need to take action by notifying the authorities should your controlling partner be abusing a child or a person of advanced age.
5. Do not feel you have to protect your partner by making excuses for him to others.
6. Set boundaries for yourself, and establish the level of control that is acceptable to you? Make your boundaries known to your partner in a firm yet kind manner without being accusatory. Keep the focus on yourself and what you want or need. Establish what behaviour you're prepared to tolerate, and what not?
7. Realize that the only person who can change your controlling partner is himself.