Ask any relationship expert what they believe the foundation to a lasting relationship is and chances are that “trust” will appear near the top of the list...
According to Dictionary.com, trust can be defined as: “A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something”.
However trust issues, not just a catchy song by Drake, is a common problem for many women as they enter into a new relationship.
Acknowledge that what happened in your previous relationship can’t be changed
According to Oprah Winfrey, who has had her fair share of heartbreak when it comes to relationships before she met Steadman (who she’s been with for the past 26 years); “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward”.
Where trust issues arise from
As with many beliefs and insecurities, trust issues form as a result of cultural learning and past experiences. The past experiences can either be personal experiences, in this case being betrayed in a past relationship, or they can develop by observing external examples of mistrust in society.
Unbeknownst to many there is also a correlation between how much we trust our partners and how much we trust ourselves!
A lot of women find it difficult to trust their other half because they know how easy it is to be unfaithful.
Emotions related to trust are the ugly step sisters – jealousy and fear
The only way to fully trust your man is to rid yourself of any fear of losing him.
The feelings may not always be rational because trust issues have a habit of burying themselves deep in our subconscious.
The ugly step sisters are not exclusive to dating couples: some married women still have this fear of losing their partner and show signs of mistrust every time their husband is away from them for any length of time.
Set the boundaries of your relationship
Aside from negative experiences from previous relationships, trust issues arise in a new relationship because people make assumptions for their romantic interests without fully knowing their true beliefs.
There is a vast spectrum of what may be acceptable or unacceptable between couples and there is also usually a large grey area in the middle.
The only way you are going to have a satisfactory level of practical trust with your partner is if you have a clear and mutual understanding of what is and what is not acceptable in your relationship.
Fully trusting your partner
If you know that you experience frequent feelings of jealousy or distrust, it is not something you are likely to be able to rid yourself of in an instant. You can however slowly work on overcoming or desensitising yourself to those negative feelings through repetitive cognition.
I believe in giving my trust openly; what you earn is the right to keep it.
While my girlfriends have always disagreed with this, and still can’t understand why I think or feel the way I do about it, it has always been my belief and my practice that trust must be given freely or it has no meaning.
Requiring someone to work for even an ounce of trust first is, simply, asking for disappointment
When you expect someone to fail, and you expect them to let you down, that's what they're going to end up doing every time - because you've given them no other option.
No matter how hard they work for it that trust will always be just a little out of their reach - and then when they get frustrated and throw in the towel you put the blame on them and use that as justification for your not trusting them (or others) in the first place.
In the end it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that will repeat itself in your life over and over again, and each time it does you will be less and less able to trust others ever again.