Menu
Relationship and Psychology
No more drama!
Relationships: importance of courtship
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Temporary marriage: answer or cop out?
Pros and cons of dating a younger man
Talk to your ex – for the children’s sake!
When he won't introduce you to his family
The best gift for your partner this Christmas
How to make a holiday romance last
Relationships: Great Expectations
Why nobody wins at emotional games
Facebook etiquette: dos and dont's
The Tao of Relationships: role reversal
The relationship comfort zone
Does love ever hurt?
The Tao of relationships: sanctuary
The rules of engagement
How to live with a controlling partner
Decoding body language
Be the hostess with the mostest
Comfortable or lazy?
All in an Ice cream Spoon
Do you have trust issues?
The Tao of Relationships: Facing the inevitable
Who gets the friends in a breakup?
No couple exists in a vacuum, so it can be tricky to figure out who gets the friends in a separation. How do you deal with it when you're one half of a split-up couple, or the mutual friend in the middle?

Over the course of my dating years I’ve been friends with many couples. ‘Sixsome’ dates (I’m the proud member of a threesome friendship) game nights and fun times would soon follow.

However it can be a challenge when you’re friends with a couple that’s now broken up. You may want to stay friends with both of them. The following three tips may be helpful in this sticky situation.

“I can’t tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like”

I have always believed when a couple breaks up, it’s never just for one concrete reason. Sometimes things build up over time before they finally explode. No matter how close you are with two people, you never truly know what goes on in a couple’s relationship. You only know what’s being projected in both speaking and outward appearances.

So what happens when you’re caught in the middle between two fighting parties?

Tip 1: Do not take sides

If you truly want to remain friends with both members of the now ex-couple, then you want to avoid taking sides. If one of them starts to complain about the other but you truly feel loyal to both, then it is reasonable to ask that you stay out of it.

Of course you can listen to them about their feelings but there is a difference to listening to them express their sadness and hearing them call the other names.

Tip 2: Do not bring up the ex’s name unless she/he does

Different people deal with breakups in different ways. Many people do not want to talk about the other person at all. This in turn will also make it easier for you.

Tip 3: Be supportive of both

You want to show your support to each of your friends. Breakups are usually difficult on everyone involved, no matter who did what or who said what. You may want to try to do things for each of them and spend time with both, so that neither feels like you are favouring the other.

It is also important not to throw them a ‘pity party’. Many breakupees want others to treat them like normal and not as if their world is falling apart (even if it is). Try to cheer them up and remain upbeat.

What about when you are on the other end of the broken-up couple?

A few years ago I went through an “I love the way you lie”-like (not exaggerating) breakup. Although there weren’t any houses set alight it got to the point where our mutual friends were getting involved and putting their two cents in about a relationship none of them really knew anything about.

We all know a lot of unpaid actors. They’re commonly known as friends and family

There were screaming fights, cheating accusations and plenty of he said, she said. While I confided in a few of our mutual friends about what was going on, the true friends and consequently the ones I’m still friends with today told me they refused to get involved. Although it hurt at the time I knew for the future if I ever wanted us all to be friends again it was for the best.

Mutual friends are plentiful when you are in a relationship. But what happens when you two call it quits?

In the throes of heartbreak what you need are a few go-to friends, not a Facebook-sized army of acquaintances. At this moment a big friendship network isn’t necessary but what is, are the people whose loyalty you’re sure of and who you don’t have to worry will report back to your ex.

When the dust settles remember that you called it quits because something wasn’t right. But your true friends will be there ‘til the end

If you are going through a breakup, don’t make your friends choose sides just because you have a problem with your ex. After all, you were the one kissing your partner when it was all hearts and roses; not your friends. Let them make the decision.

Print
Love in the time of texting
Is he into you?
10 benefits of marriage counselling
How to get through a break up
Relationships: say it how you want it
How to tell if someone is lying
He cheated: keep him or dump him?
Let him love you
Love lines: the emotional rollercoaster
Dating after divorce as a single mom
How to stop being taken advantage of
Love Lines: Still sleeping with ex!
Relationships: when to turn a blind eye
Living together: a dry run for marriage?
Love Lines: forbidden Love - the younger man
Pay attention to negative feelings
Stop domestic violence
How to survive long distance
Trusting again after being cheated on
Is three a crowd? Relationships and children
How to find a man who won't cheat
Love Lines: can this marriage be saved?
How to end an emotional affair
Make new friends in 30 minutes
Your relationship after illness
The 10 biggest turn-offs: are you guilty?
Legal implications of living together
Lovelines: emotionally distant husband
Menu
Men really ARE from Mars - survey
Dealing with gossip
When your boyfriend's a mommy's boy...
Who gets the friends in a breakup?
Is he the one? Choosing Mr. Right
Losing touch in a technological world
How to make every day Valentine’s Day
Relationships: repeating your mistakes?
Relationships: acknowledging your part
Dr. Demartini on Valentine's Day pressures
What is emotional abuse?
I love to be single
On hooking up with your ex
Flirting’s effect on your body
Should you marry him?
How to compile your family tree
Love Lines: relationship advice for readers
Can men and women be just friends?
The benefits of having male friends
How to become a better listener
Emotional affairs: another form of cheating?
Is it ever ok to be the other woman?
Losing your guy to SuperSport
Dating an older man