Relationship and Psychology
No more drama!
Relationships: importance of courtship
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Temporary marriage: answer or cop out?
Pros and cons of dating a younger man
Talk to your ex – for the children’s sake!
When he won't introduce you to his family
The best gift for your partner this Christmas
How to make a holiday romance last
Relationships: Great Expectations
Why nobody wins at emotional games
Facebook etiquette: dos and dont's
The Tao of Relationships: role reversal
The relationship comfort zone
Does love ever hurt?
The Tao of relationships: sanctuary
The rules of engagement
How to live with a controlling partner
Decoding body language
Be the hostess with the mostest
Comfortable or lazy?
All in an Ice cream Spoon
Do you have trust issues?
The Tao of Relationships: Facing the inevitable
On hooking up with your ex
Hooking up with your ex shortly after you’ve broken up; good idea or the epitome of relationship faux pas?

Britney Spears launched her wildly successful career singing about it ("Baby, one more time"), rumours regarding a Rihanna/Chris Brown hook up (after a highly publicised break-up) have been rife and Jusjess Timberbiel break up and make up quicker than Serena Williams can hit a ball across a tennis court, so really, how bad can it be?

In order to get to the bottom of this simple sounding yet highly complex dilemma, I decided to conduct a ‘round table’ discussion with a diverse group of individuals. After I had thrown in a couple of architects, a doctor, filmmaker, animator, project manager and a business consultant, I decided the combination was just right for solution stew.

To kick things off, the doctor, in typical medical fashion, asked me how I felt about the subject, to which I immediately replied "It’s called a breakup because it’s broken" – yes, the title of Greg Behrendt’s follow up to his 'groundbreaking' pocketbook He’s Just Not That Into You, but also a truth that I’ve always believed.

If you have to break up to fix a relationship, the relationship will always be broken

In Behrendt’s New York Times' bestseller, he dedicates an entire chapter to ‘No Backsliding’. Behrendt says, “…There’s one all-important truth that you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed…It’s over for a reason and even if you’re in denial about it, deep down inside you… know what that reason is.”

Why are you in this scenario?

Hook ups with exes happen, because you are lonely, it’s easy and familiar, and much like childbirth (so I hear) you forget about the intense ripping pain once the process is over and the joy arrives. Just because you have decided to give it another try does not mean that once the moment arrives for ‘the child’ to be ejected from your being, it’s going to hurt any less or you are going to be equipped to deal with it better just because you knew what was coming and had experienced it before.

Cally felt strongly about this and said, “Hooking up with your ex is never a good idea. There was a reason why you broke up in the first place and revisiting will just confuse your emotions and make the break up even worse.”

Although my melting pot was almost synonymous in this belief - with even Wolf, the male filmmaker in the group saying, “Exes are like torn clothes... It’s good to keep them around for the memories and sentimental value but you shouldn't wear them again..." - not everyone agreed.

Carpe Diem

Dalia* took the standpoint that I believe most of society shares. She said, “My first response would be, just do it! Hook up one last time...get out any leftover emotion, attachment and desires you may still have for that person. You usually regret the stuff you didn’t have the guts to do... so if the opportunity presents itself for one ‘last night’ … take it and make it count.”

Even though I am Nike’s biggest #justdo it #makeitcount fan - to what end are we actually going to make this count? Where can one night really lead? Cally added, “Society is too focused on instant gratification - If we want to be respected we need to respect ourselves first. You are worth more than a one night stand, because that is exactly what it is.” Really stop to think about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Find YOUR voice of reason

If you are doing it because you are lonely and your ex just happens to be there, take Cally’s advice and “step into a cold shower.”

If you’re doing it because you are afraid you will never find anyone else, take my gran’s inherited words of wisdom and “Never run after a guy or a train, because there is always one to follow.”

And if you are doing it because you truly believe there is something there that you missed and you owe it to yourself to explore, then wait. Wait a day, wait a week, wait a month, wait a year – if you were right, no matter how long you wait it will still be there.

Just as he started it, the doctor closed this off for me by saying, “When real passion exists within a relationship, when it ends, it ends with a passionate finality – when there was never real passion in a relationship to begin with, it never really ends and that is why you go looking for that hook up – you’re still searching for something you never had.”

Love in the time of texting
Is he into you?
10 benefits of marriage counselling
How to get through a break up
Relationships: say it how you want it
How to tell if someone is lying
He cheated: keep him or dump him?
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Love lines: the emotional rollercoaster
Dating after divorce as a single mom
How to stop being taken advantage of
Love Lines: Still sleeping with ex!
Relationships: when to turn a blind eye
Living together: a dry run for marriage?
Love Lines: forbidden Love - the younger man
Pay attention to negative feelings
Stop domestic violence
How to survive long distance
Trusting again after being cheated on
Is three a crowd? Relationships and children
How to find a man who won't cheat
Love Lines: can this marriage be saved?
How to end an emotional affair
Make new friends in 30 minutes
Your relationship after illness
The 10 biggest turn-offs: are you guilty?
Legal implications of living together
Lovelines: emotionally distant husband
Men really ARE from Mars - survey
Dealing with gossip
When your boyfriend's a mommy's boy...
Who gets the friends in a breakup?
Is he the one? Choosing Mr. Right
Losing touch in a technological world
How to make every day Valentine’s Day
Relationships: repeating your mistakes?
Relationships: acknowledging your part
Dr. Demartini on Valentine's Day pressures
What is emotional abuse?
I love to be single
On hooking up with your ex
Flirting’s effect on your body
Should you marry him?
How to compile your family tree
Love Lines: relationship advice for readers
Can men and women be just friends?
The benefits of having male friends
How to become a better listener
Emotional affairs: another form of cheating?
Is it ever ok to be the other woman?
Losing your guy to SuperSport
Dating an older man
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