No matter how innocently you may think it started, how you never intended it to go so far, how much you think you love him, or how much you think he loves you, it is never ok to be the other woman... (by someone who was the other woman for seven years).
If you find yourself in the position where you are number two, you had better pay attention: itís decision making time
You need to take a long hard look in the mirror and remind yourself of exactly who you are, how you were brought up and basically, define if you can remember the difference between wrong and right.
How many people are afffected by your behaviour?
Three at least, more if either of you have children, and if you can feel the righteous indignation welling up inside of you right now, then you can be assured that you are truly in denial.
Are you thinking, ďIím single, itís not me whoís doing anything wrong?Ē
Or ďHeís unhappy, she doesnít understand him, heís only with her for the money.Ē And ďIím unhappy my husband has cheated on me, so what Iím doing isnít really wrong.Ē
If you are thinking this, or something similar, then you are in pretty deep and the person most likely to be left out in the cold - hurt and lonely - is you.
Iím sure that many of your friends have told you that you are making a mistake, and itís the truth. How, though, do you extricate yourself from the situation and salvage your dignity, pride, reputation ... and is this really the relationship for you?
Women are stronger than men emotionally, we always have been, and in the situation you are in right now, you have to be emotionally strong.
Itís ultimatum time
You have to have the strength in your conviction to say itís her or me, not both.
Take control, stop being number two, the second choice, and donít be on standby for illicit moments. Yes, I said illicit moments, clandestine meetings, stolen hours, and thatís what they are - stolen.
Did you ever think that you would be considered a thief, a common criminal; the moments you steal belong to someone else?
They belong to his wife, girl-friend even his children and whatís worse is those moments may too belong to your husband, boyfriend and children.
Would you ever trust a man who cheated once?
In the cold light of day can a relationship built on such levels of deceit ever last, could you completely trust him if he was yours alone, would he trust you too? Would you be equipped to make sure that the problems that had developed in his and your previous relationships didnít raise their ugly heads in yours? Probably not.
This is as a result of your relationship paradigms
Our paradigms occur through life experiences. From birth we are exposed to the behaviours of our parents and their habits and beliefs.
As we grow up, we become exposed through our environment to what are acceptable norms in terms of how relationships are conducted - through friends, family, the media, television, radio and movies.
What are yours: a lasting, loving relationship with a faithful, kind, family man, or an affair with another womanís man, based on lies, deceit and most definitely hurt?
If you want to know what you are thinking about in terms of your relationship, look at your results, and start thinking into results that serve you in a better way. I have spent years learning about this, and a lot of those years were spent in the school of hard knocks.
I was the other woman for seven years, a long time ago, and I know what itís like to find out there is another women too. It is never ok to be the other woman.