I received several emails about the emotional rollercoasters some of you are experiencing in your relationships and have put together the following response for you.....
Wow, what a wonderful response in only our first week. I will personally answer as many of the emails I receive at Love Lines as possible, but should there be too many, I will answer them collectively in the weekly article.
Relationships are becoming more complex every day
So many of you have experienced traumatic break-ups, separations and divorces, and then it is back onto the dating scene. Picture this, as women we believe that we are the emotional ones and that the fall out of failed relationships only impacts on us and that isn’t true.
Men have a harder time after a break-up and failed relationship; they have been told since they could walk and talk that ‘boys don’t cry’! If they don’t cry how are they going to process the emotional impact that they have endured, the problem is that they don’t.
Fast forward to a new relationship...the excitement of the physical attraction which makes both parties feel good about themselves, it covers up a few cracks, and temporarily increases our self-confidence.
When there are exes and children in the equation
Reality has to set in though; there is very often more than just the two of you in the equation, ex-wives / husbands and partners and often children, yours and his.
This is where the rollercoaster ride could begin if you don’t sit down and talk about the tough things.
Boundaries need to be established around what the past was and what the future can be
Be frank and upfront about what is a dealbreaker with regard to your kids and ex, and expect the same from him. When you know what the boundaries are you both know what behaviour to expect.
This is a scary and essential phase of a new relationship and we often leave it too late, until there’s conflict around what is and isn’t expected. If you are too afraid to take this up with a new love, then think about why?
If you’re in an exclusive relationship and he doesn’t want you to spend time with his kids, or you don’t want him to spend time with yours, ask yourself why?
Think about your past relationships: if you want to know what you were thinking about throughout that relationship just look at the result and you will know what you were focusing on, and if it wasn’t the outcome you wanted, you need to change your behaviour and if the same goes in your new relationship, so does he.
Facebook has it down to a tee with ‘it’s complicated’
So is anything new that you try: you wouldn’t try a new hobby without doing some research and getting as much information as possible on the subject.
Do the same with your relationship, and if he doesn’t like it, you’ve saved yourself a lot of time, effort and heart ache knowing upfront that he wasn’t for you.