It's difficult to put your trust in someone after the devastating experience of being cheated on. A cheating ex shouldn't prevent you from having healthy relationships in the future though, so read on...
Being cheated on can be terribly devastating. There is no worse feeling in a relationship than realising that the person you love has turned to someone else for emotional or sexual satisfaction.
It can open the floodgates to doubt, insecurity, guilt and worst of all, erode your ability to trust in anyone ever again. But it is possible to trust again after being cheated on, it doesn’t have to lead to a life alone and unloved.
The first step in regaining your ability to trust in others is to trust in yourself
You need to realise that you were not at fault; that burden is carried solely by the partner who cheated. Rather than assuming that you lacked in some area and forced him away, know that you are a good person, capable and deserving of loving and being loved.
At the same time, you shouldn’t beat up on yourself for having trust issues in the first place
It’s a perfectly natural response after a partner has cheated on you and you should accept that. Be open about your situation with your new partner and let him know that you are working on your trust issues and need him to be understanding about it.
Maintaining a solid line of communication is one of the keys to building trust
So the ability to discuss your issues with your partner openly and comfortably is extremely important. If you can do that, then hopefully the two of you can work on it together and build a stronger, more stable relationship. And remember to show your appreciation for his understanding so he knows you recognise and value it.
Another important step in rebuilding trust is never to project your feelings about one relationship onto another
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that, because one man behaved in a certain way, all men will, but that isn’t fair to your new partner and it can pull the rug out from under your relationship. You need to see him for who he is and allow him to earn your trust on his own merits.
It might help you to focus on your new partner’s character by making a list of the positives he brings to your relationship
Seeing it in writing can sometimes help to clarify it for you and hopefully enable you to see him for the wonderful person he is. And thank him for the ways in which he earns your trust, because a little acknowledgement can go a long way.
The process of regaining trust is not an easy one and there is no reason why you should have to go through it alone. Talk to family and friends. Some of them may have gone through similar experiences and they may be able to help you gain a better understanding of your own. Often, just expressing them aloud can help you to deal easier with your feelings.
It may seem like it now, but being cheated on does not have to be the end of the world; you can go on and learn to love…and trust…again. Just take things one step at a time and believe in yourself and your new partner. The rest will come with time.